South Park: Titties and Dragons, Review

The ending of the Black Friday trilogy was as pretty as Princess Kenny's perky titties. Our double review breaks down the episode for Game of Thrones fans and those without an HBO GO subscription.

The Dragons are coming, and they’re bringing us David Crow’s take: 

Hi there! When fellow DoGer Chris Longo asked me to step in and reflect upon what the “Black Friday Trilogy” in South Park has meant from a Game of Thrones context, all I could think about was…wieners.

Now, hold on a second. I am NOT referring to wieners in the fixated passion with which Trey Parker and Matt Stone are implying is an imperative for George R.R. Martin and the larger HBO landscape. Rather, I am beginning to wonder about South Park’s obsession with the essential male organ (or maybe not if you ask Theon Greyjoy). As tonight’s finale was titled “Titties and Dragons,” it is clear that Trey and Matt get the focal point of HBO’s marketing strategy…which is primarily titties and dragons! So, why draw attention to the one or two times that men were asked to disrobe (a mere fraction compared to the fairer sex)? I’m not sure, but it’s hilarious due to their insatiable need to hit us in the head with it again and again, as if they were an acid-milk drinking Ludwig lover.

Whether or not Matt and Trey are serious about this criticism, they truly go for broke this week where even the opening credits are now underscored by the haunting reprise of “Wiener, Wiener” (I genuinely hope that they trademarked that name). Further, it dawned on me that it may have all been in service to a long-desired punch line that any Game of Thrones fan secretly covets: Someone giving George R.R. Martin a much deserved Varys on the outskirts of the South Park Mall.

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Jesting aside, what these three episodes have wonderfully done is send up the painfully long delays fans of the books and show have experienced, leading to a near universal group realization: Martin’s a tease, wiener or otherwise. He promises awesome dragon action, and delivers when Daenerys sacks cities like Astapor and Meereen, but is she any closer to Westeros? And call them Others, Whitewalkers or Ice Zombies, but have these permafrost corpses yet seen the Southern side of the Wall? Delayed gratification is great, but Martin drags it out longer than a Cersei power trip.

Still, we love GOT for it anyway, but we can also love South Park even more for noticing it. Plus this week alone offers some delicious send-ups when two of Game of Thrones’ most talked about aspects, the Mother of Dragons and the Red Wedding, found themselves at the bottom of Cartman’s bowl of proverbial chili. In Princess Kenny, we truly are allowed to enjoy a biting observation about everyone’s favorite ceaselessly immolating incest baby when Kenny enjoys constant victory after constant victory. “But what does [she] do besides that [she’s] cute?!” Cartman demands from his followers after hearing of another Princess Kenny triumph. It just goes to show that while everyone loves the witty, nuanced and imminently conflicted Tyrion Lannister, they still are even more easily seduced by the power of three fire breathing dragons…especially when they are commanded by Emilia Clarke. Seven Hells, I’d still follow her into battle and I HAVE read A Dance with Dragons!

But of course the aspect that fans will most enjoy is the “Red Robin Wedding.” You cannot mention the word “red” around fans of Game of Thrones, much less “weddings,” and not think of rather gruesome affairs. So, as the stars aligned for an epic betrayal of console war murder in the South Park Mall’s single dining establishment, every viewer with an HBO subscription likely cackled with delight. And that is the true beauty of these three episodes. They mock and deride the literary epic and its HBO adaptation mercilessly, because Trey Parker and Matt Stone are very obviously huge fans of the series. Last season, we glimpsed Mr. Garrison teaching his bored students the entire history of Westeros (complete with rampant online fanboy theories in regards to Jon Snow!), and this season they dedicated an entire multi-episode arc to homaging a cultural phenomenon entering its prime. That is the sincerest form of flattery. That and a big floppy wiener.

– David Crow 

Consumerism and Wieners:

This year I went to Black Friday for the first time in my life. Thankfully, I left the stores unscathed, surviving a deadly brush with what has become a cartoonish display of capitalism each November.

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The dreamers like me, the wizards of cheapness, who march into stores are soon awoken by the reality that is a metaphorical floppy wiener being dangled in your face. It’s flaccid, it’s unappealing, but you don’t want to physically move it yourself. Eventually you just learn to deal with it. Black Friday will never go away. With stores opening on somewhat early on Thanksgiving NIGHT, the faux shopping holiday is actually getting worse.

In years past, Black Friday was usually only worthwhile for the first few people into the store, hence the montages of people being trampled to get Tickle Me Emos at Target. Now your local paper is loaded with coupons that guarantee if you wait in the cold, you’ll be rewarded. Only that’s not exactly the case. You pick up a clearance shirt and you beam because you have a coupon that will take an additional 40 percent off. Well, tough shit because that coupon doesn’t apply to sale items. It takes some digging, a real detective-like effort of mixing and matching, to find the deals that will suppress the shame one has for taking part in big business’s wet dream.

And that’s the point Matt and Trey tried to hammer home in South Park’s conclusion to its three-part Game of Thrones-esque arc. Whether it’s Bill Gates, Sony, Cartman or even the damn Channel 9 News Team, no one gives a damn about you, the consumer. It’s all one big charade. Unzip the wiener, flop it around in the glistening sunlight and get your ass in the door. Once you’re in, there’s no leaving. 

Even as someone who doesn’t watch Game of Thrones, I’m going to have to consider the last three weeks as some of South Park’s best work. The build up to the epic ending with promises of Dragons, Titties and a final battle paid off with a textbook South Park ending, going through three weeks of training only to figure out that life is rich and productive when you step away from the console. To further that point, they throw the Stick of Truth plug at the end because it was undoubtedly the inspiration to this whole arc and even Matt, Trey and all of South Park Studios are fair game. South Park put together a three-episode run formidable to any in the past five years or so. To validate my argument, the funniest part of this whole arc was, as David alludes to, their obsession with wieners. I loved it because not only do I have a 7th grade sense of humor, but also because every Thrones fan I talked to was defensive and gave the old “dude there’s not even that many wieners in Game of Thrones” line. Simply Matt and Trey trolling at their finest.  

Out of the Black Friday madness, the death, the destruction of mall property, the selling our souls in the name of vicious and unforgiving consumerism, I can say I got what I wanted. But as with anything there’s a price to pay for getting what you want.

Luckily, I got a pair of slick black Nike shoes for 30 percent off the sticker price. Happy Black Friday.

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– Chris Longo 

Prediction for Next Week:

We’re begging for the return of Ben Affleck in a Batman related episode. Also, we wouldn’t mind seeing Tom Hanks marry Beyoncé.   

Rating:

3.5 out of 5